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Complexity but Toxic

Love is meant to be simple, intentional and honourable. Complexity can sometimes be mistaken for value, but making yourself unnecessarily difficult to approach, understand or relate with does not automatically make you mature, desirable or valuable. A woman can have standards, boundaries and self respect without creating emotional obstacles that a man must overcome simply to get to know her.

The fact that you encourage ladies to make it difficult for men to access them does not mean they have what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship. Being difficult to understand, constantly testing a man, playing mind games or making him repeatedly prove himself can create an unhealthy foundation for premarital relationships. The important question is not, “How difficult am I to get?” but, “How prepared am I to love, communicate, cooperate and build when I am found?”

A woman becoming a suitable helper to her man is not primarily about being complex; it is about being mature, discerning, emotionally responsible and aligned with God's purpose. Complexity is not maturity, and emotional difficulty is not evidence of high value. Likewise, a man should not be encouraged to tolerate unhealthy behaviour merely because he wants a relationship. Both men and women need to learn how to communicate honestly, establish healthy boundaries and honour one another.

For Christian counselors, help people understand that healthy love does not require manipulation or unnecessary power struggles. Scripture says, “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” — Romans 12:10. Premarital counseling should therefore prepare people for the realities of partnership, communication, forgiveness, responsibility and mutual honour. What happens when someone spends so much energy making themselves difficult to access that they never learn how to become healthy enough to sustain what they prayed for?

This applies from the beginning of courtship through engagement and into marriage. You do not need to become toxic to protect your worth, and you do not need to make someone suffer to prove that you are valuable. A godly woman can be valuable and approachable, discerning and communicative, strong and cooperative. A godly man can pursue intentionally without being subjected to humiliation or endless emotional tests. In Christ, love can be both deep and simple because “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” — 1 Corinthians 14:33. Healthy love does not require two people to conquer each other; it teaches them to walk together in truth, honour and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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