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Respecting Individual Differences

As a Christian counselor, help people understand that every individual deserves to be seen for who they are, not merely through the lens of someone else's past failures. A previous relationship may have wounded you, but the person standing before you is not automatically a replay of the person who hurt you. Have you taken time to know this person, or have you already judged them based on your history?

Teach people to separate personal experience from personal perception. Negative experiences can create patterns of expectation where someone begins anticipating rejection, betrayal, manipulation or abandonment even when there is no evidence that the present person intends such things. Healing does not mean becoming naïve; it means learning to discern what is actually happening instead of responding to what happened before.

As counselors, we must also help people resist negative narratives surrounding men, women, marriage and relationships. A repeated story does not automatically become the truth about every individual. People have different personalities, backgrounds, communication styles, values and levels of maturity. “For there is no respect of persons with God.” — Romans 2:11. Therefore, counseling should encourage people to assess character individually and responsibly.

Respecting individual differences means allowing people to reveal themselves through their own choices and consistent behaviour. Do not make someone defend themselves against accusations created by another person's actions. Do not require a new person to continually prove that they are different from someone who previously hurt you. Healthy discernment asks, “What is this person actually showing me?” rather than, “How does this person remind me of my past?”

Christian counseling should lead people toward truth, healing and healthy relationships in Christ. Your past can give you wisdom, but it should not become a prison through which you interpret everyone you meet. Let the Holy Spirit help you distinguish between genuine warning signs and old wounds being triggered. See people for who they are, evaluate their character by their own actions, and give healthy relationships room to become what God intends them to be.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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