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Stop Weaponizing Them

Personal experiences can teach us wisdom, but they should not become weapons we use to program other people to expect the worst from men or women. What happened in your past may explain your caution, but it should not become the lens through which you judge everyone who comes after it. Have you healed from your experience, or are you recruiting others into the pain you experienced?

Stop using negative relationship narratives to make men and women anticipate betrayal, manipulation, abuse or disappointment before they have even encountered it. Teaching someone to be permanently defensive does not necessarily prepare them for a healthy relationship; sometimes it prevents them from recognizing one. A person standing before you should be allowed to demonstrate their own character rather than being punished for the character of someone from your past.

This does not mean ignoring wisdom or legitimate warning signs. Boundaries, discernment and accountability are important, but there is a difference between discernment and suspicion. Christian counselors should help people examine individuals according to their present character, communication, consistency and actions rather than automatically assigning them the failures of someone else. “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” — John 7:24

Be careful what you continually teach people about the opposite gender. If every message tells women that men cannot be trusted, or tells men that women are manipulative and difficult, you may be creating fear where healthy expectation should exist. What kind of relationship culture are you building when people enter courtship already preparing to fight someone who has not attacked them?

Your healing should help you love with wisdom, not teach others to live in perpetual suspicion. Men and women are not enemies competing for power; in God's design, they are called to relate with honour, responsibility, cooperation and purpose. Let Jesus heal the wounds that shaped your narrative so that your testimony becomes a pathway to wisdom rather than a weapon that creates distrust. Do not make someone pay for what another person did to you.

Hope Expression Values You 
Apostle Prince Victor Matthew 

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